Movies With Meaning

Movies and TV, a full proof way to shut your brain off from your own reality and engage yourself in a different one.  My favorite movies are the ones that can make me cry and feel for the characters on the screen.  I love the movies with deeper meanings and ones that can make me think about human tendencies and ways of life, just anything that can make me feel something.

 

 Movies like Remember Me with Robert Pattinson comes to mind.  It was one of those movies that gave me this feeling of sadness and remorse for the characters.  My favorite movie, though would have to be To Save a Life.  This movie is a Christian movie that I watched at church for the first time. I really connected with the characters in the film.  I felt Jake’s confusion as well as Johnny and Roger’s pain.  The way this movie was put together gave off this symbol of hope and love and sacrifice.  The way Jake was willing to give up his dreams for the girl he loved and the way Johnny made friends for the first time that made him happy for the first time in his life.  Every character has their own personal struggle, and that is something anybody can relate too.  I think that is why I love that movie so much, I can easily relate.  I have so many other movies that I will watch over and over again.  Most of them are ones from my childhood that to me are still considered some of the best movies of all time.  I love feel good movies but nothing beats the depressing movies with meaning and heart to them.

I hate scary movies.  I hate them so much.  I’m a chicken, I will scream, I will cry, and I will have nightmares for weeks on end if I am forced to watch a horror film.  Trust me, you don’t want to force me to watch them because if you do, I will not sleep and I will be the crankiest person alive.  No one wants to be around someone who hasn’t slept.  Friendly advice: Do NOT make me watch a scary movie.

I don’t watch movies as much as I binge watch TV shows on Netflix, but there is still nothing better than sitting on my butt watching other people on a television screen.  Chances are though, if there is an emotional, heartfelt movie out there, I have seen it.  I may watch way too many shows on Netflix for hours upon hours, but I still have movie nights will myself very frequently, and it is honestly one of my favorite things to do.

One word, popcorn.  Even without a movie being on, popcorn is easily my favorite food.  It is even better when there is a screen in front of me.  I’ll be wearing my PINK sweatpants, a comfy sweatshirt and fuzzy socks.  I’ll cover myself in a pile of blankets and veg out on the couch in my room.  I could just sit there for hours with the lights off, watching TV.

If my life were made into a movie, it would probably win a Golden Globe.  The endless amounts of drama and the thoughts running through my mind could be made into an interesting story, especially if I wrote the script. My life and experiences itself would be boring if it were written by someone else because they have no idea what my life is about.  If I shared my story in a movie, it would be emotional and happy at the same time.  I know my life and I know that it is so bipolar. One week everything is fantastic and enjoyable and I’m having a blast with my friends doing shenanigans, and then the next day, it all goes downhill.  I think if I could portray my life on screen, I could make it into something people would enjoy and relate too.

Survey Results: YOUR PERSONALITY

Take a look at how you scored on the Big Five personality dimensions below.
Your scores, compared with the responses of other people, suggest that you may be described as follows:

YOU ARE 58% EXTRAVERTED.

You are moderate in activity and enthusiasm. You enjoy the company of others but you also value your privacy.

YOU ARE 67% AGREEABLE.

You are generally warm, trusting, and agreeable, but you can sometimes be stubborn and competitive.

YOU ARE 92% CONSCIENTIOUS.

You are conscientious and well organized. You have high standards and always strive to achieve goals.

YOU ARE 25% EMOTIONALLY STABLE.

You are sensitive, emotional and prone to experience feelings that are upsetting.

YOU ARE 58% OPEN TO NEW EXPERIENCES.

You are practical but willing to consider new ways of doing things. You try to seek a balance between the old and the new.

Window Poem

I skip down the historic street

In Downtown St. Charles

Hand in hand with my grandmother.

I’m ten years old, I see it there.

It catches my eye so quick.

I had to pull aside to stop and stare.

There she was in the display

Protected by glass, keeping me away.

I needed that doll I thought.

It would be my best friend.

My grandma looks at me and says,

“It’s almost Christmas you know.”

She winks, and says lets go.

Edward Hopper

                

Nothing seems right anymore.  I own this convenience store a few miles off the main strip.  We used to be the busiest place in town, but that was always because of my wife.  She knew everybody’s name that lived within a 100 mile radius.  She treated these people with the utmost respect and kindness.  Unfortunately, I lost the love of my life to cancer three months ago.  My two kids, Bobby and Anna, took the lost very hard.  They moved across the country with their spouses and kids to start over, try and regain that happiness they had lost. 

                Did anybody think about me? I was married to my wife for over fifty years.  We were high school sweethearts, we even won prom king and queen.  Every Saturday morning, we opened up the shop a few hours late, and we would just sit on our back porch, drink coffee, and just enjoy each other’s presence.  She was my best friend.

                My whole family left me to run the store by myself.  It’s not like I could close it up, the shop was my only source of income.  Since my wife died, business kept getting worse and worse.  Most of that can be blamed on me though.  The places moral had weakened because of my broken heart. Sure, some of the friends we made from owning the store came by every once in a while, but even after visiting a couple times they stopped.  People always leave me.  This shop is who I am not because I have nothing else.  In my free time, which is always, I spend it cleaning and keeping up the cleanliness.  

My first line I chose for my first and last line piece was “The moment one learns English, complications set in.”  I took that as a child growing up and having to learn new things every day and be responsible for more as every year passes.  I wrote about the complications teenagers face in their daily lives like sadness, the butterflies you get from a certain person, and the judgmental minds of your peers.  I understand everybody has gone through something, but everybody has gone through the exact same thing.  One cannot understand someone to the full extent without trading places with them.  I guess I got that part right.  This line is from a 1900’s novel called Chromos, by Felipe Alfau. This book was published almost 50 years after being initially written in the 1940’s.  It is a novel set in the post WWII era.  When I saw that I thought that I had the meaning of the book kind of right.  The soldiers in the war had a responsibility to their country.  The people back home having dinner with their family or having a Saturday morning off could never understand what the soldiers were having to go through.  I found that interesting, and I might actually read this novel.

The last line was from the novel “The Sun Also Rises” by Earnest Hemmingway. The last line was “Yes,” I said “Isn’t it pretty to think so?”  I had a hard time matching these two statements together to make a story.  It still wasn’t the best possible, but on the bright side I have two new books I’m planning on reading.  The Sun Also Rises is a book I’ve never actually heard of, I’ve only heard of the author.  It is set after WW1.  So it seems I picked two lines from books set in post war times.  I love anything that contains a deeper meaning than just the text on the pages.  I love reading a book and having to read in between the lines and attempt to think and figure out what the author was going through at the time.  I love using little clues in the writings to figure out what the author is trying to convey.  Just from these lines,  I want to think that these books will be like that.  

First and Last Line

The moment one learns English, complications set in.  Decisions have to be made, fights have to be fought, and difficulties have to be faced head on, keeping strong. Being a teenager during this time is confusing.  People expect more of me.  They expect me to know right from wrong and what to say and when to say them.  Truth is, I was taught my manners, but nobody realizes that most people are not prepared for some of the things that we as teenagers have to deal with.

I would walk through the front doors of the school and glance around me, thinking about the people in my presence.  Almost judging them. Which is wrong, I know that, but they’re probably judging me just as much.  I already knew today was going to be a bad day.  I was unable to study for an important test the night before because my notebook was stolen. I also have another huge test that I had to ace to get a B in the class for the quarter.  It could be easily assumed that I was stressed out. Probably even more than just stressed out. 

Know what’s amazing? If one person was able to get me to smile or see something good about the day then I would be golden. That’s exactly what happened.  One text from one person made my day go from awful to livable in under two seconds.  It made me realize that this person cares about me.  That is the best feeling in the entire world. 

It’s impossible to have a stress-free perfect life.  What is possible is telling yourself it doesn’t have to feel imperfect or stressful.  I know from experience that looking on the positive sides of everything is easily the most difficult thing ever.  Think of the glass half full for a change.  Live your life thinking that if one door closes, another one opens.  Second chances can be given more than once, just don’t take advantage.  Instead of seeing the sunset and thinking that tomorrow is going to be a bad day, take time to take in the scenery and thank God for the blessings he’s given you.  Negativity is too contagious.  As hard as it may be, let even a sliver of happiness in.  Tell yourself that it’s okay to be who you are, because no matter how complicated or crappy you think your life is, it isn’t.  Simple as that. If anybody noticed my mood changing after one text and asked me if I was okay my response would be,

“Yes, isn’t it pretty to think so?”

Artists...Kind of

        I have never cared much for famous artists and paintings.  It always seemed so foreign to me to convey a story without words.  That’s why I kind of took this assignment into my own hands and decided to change it up a bit.  Instead of researching a painter type artist, I decided to write about my most favorite writer of all time, who in my mind is a genius artist. Robert Frost’s words have influenced me for a long time now.

         Robert Frost was born on March 26^th, 1874 in San Francisco, California.  He was born to William Prescott Frost Jr. and Isabelle Moodie.  He had a little sister named Jeanie.  His Father died of tuberculosis when he was 11. After His father died, he moved to Pennsylvania and finished high school at the top of his class.  After high school, Frost attended college at Dartmouth and Harvard.  His first piece was published on November 8, 1894.  He later married to Elinor Miriam White in 1895.  Frost has written many poems over the years.  My personal favorites are Fire and Ice, The Road Not Taken, and Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.  I have an old book containing poems by Robert Frost.  Many times I open it to a random poem, read it and try to interpret and relate it to my own life.  I find Robert Frost one of the most influential “artists” of all time.  He may not do paintings or sculptures but he captures feelings with words better than anybody I’ve ever seen.

        Fire and Ice is my all time favorite poem.  Mostly because its a mystery to me.  I never fully understood the deeper meaning behind it.  I've loved the rhythm this poem has as well.  I honestly love everything about it.  It is my favorite poem by Frost.

Dent in the Pillow

                I’ve visited her house every day since the cancer spread and she passed.  I drive the short ride to her front lawn whenever I can, yet it always seems so hard stepping out onto the lawn, where we used to pass the soccer ball on Saturday afternoons. My legs felt like steel, I couldn’t move them. It was almost a sign as if I’m not welcomed to where the most amazing girl used to spend her days. As a result, I’d sit in my car, sometimes smiling, thinking about all the memories etched into my brain. Other times, I just cried because I knew we would never be able to have anymore.  On the rare occasion when I couldn’t bring myself to either one, I prayed.  I prayed that one day I’d have the strength to walk up to her front porch, ring the doorbell, and tell her parents how much she meant to me and so many others.  Her family grew to be my favorite people in the world and I haven’t spoken to them since she died. It seemed so wrong, so unreal. It seemed as if she was still sitting in her room, talking to me on the phone or daydreaming about our future.  At least, that’s all I ever did.  Unfortunately, she is gone and there is no way to bring her back.  I know I won’t ever get closure until I step foot into that house again.

                As I park my beat up old truck that was the one thing I loved almost as much as I loved her, I glanced up to where her window is.  It’s the middle of autumn here in our small little town.  The crinkly leaves covered her front porch and driveway.  The lawn was overgrown and weeds have since came and gone when it got chillier. The cozy white house’s paint was chipping, mailbox was rotted out, and the rocking chairs on the front porch had been knocked over from a storm a few nights before.  The old townhouse that used to be beautiful and well-kept seemed to have lost its curb appeal. 

                I watched as the orange and yellow leaves swept across my vision.  Something seemed different about today.  I didn’t feel like smiling, or crying, or praying.  All I wanted to do was knock on the door, so I did.  For the first time in 4 months after coming here every day, I opened up my truck’s door and started towards the house. As I reached the porch, I noticed something I never saw before.  It was a letter, from her, from the girl I was in love with.  On the envelope, I saw a post-it note with her mother’s handwriting. It was dated for almost 4 months before.  The note said:

Dear Anthony,

                

       We have noticed you outside the house and every day we have been praying you would come inside so we could give you this letter Brooke wrote for you. So we left it here for when you built up the strength to come inside.  Please just walk in, Brooke would want you to read it in her bedroom, with all of her belongings and memories the two of you had. You’ll always be like a second son to us.

Much love,

Angela

I felt a tear stream down my face.  But I knew today was the day I would visit Brooke’s room for the first time.  I turned the doorknob of her house slowly making sure not to alarm her parents if they were home.  The door squeaked a bit, but then the house went back to complete silence.  The house seemed messier than usual, but it didn’t really bother me.  I walked up the creaky wooden stairs up to Brooke’s bedroom.  I couldn’t believe it, nothing in her bedroom had been touched.  Her photos of me and her, and of her and her best friends were still surrounding her vanity mirror.  Her clothes were still sprawled out on the floor. What I noticed that hit me the hardest though, is that her bed was unmade and it still looked like it had been slept in recently, even though it hadn’t.  Her pillow still had an ovular dent in it from her head sleeping in it five months ago.  The memories from all the years hit me like a truck.  I couldn’t help but fall to the ground in agony.  Something weird happened though, I felt like crying but no tears fell. No torturous desperate bursts of air were needed.  I actually felt peaceful. I felt like she was here with me. In the five months of loneliness, I had never been able to feel her presence until now.

I stood up from the floor and made my way towards the vintage old desk that she bought at an antique shop one day two summers ago.  I sat in the oak chair that had all the signatures from anybody who sat in it.  I never understood why she had people write on her furniture, it was always a mystery.  Then again, so was she. 

I opened the envelope and began to read.  I was expecting a long heartfelt letter, but that didn’t describe this letter at all.  Even so, it was probably the most meaningful thing I've ever read. It read:

Anthony,

                

       I will always love you, even at heavens gates. I’ll see you soon.

Love,

Brooke